Sunday, April 21, 2013

Prehistoric Laurenation.

I HAVE NO MICROWAVE!

Yes, that's right!

In 2013, I JUST put a frozen dinner in the...wait..the OVEN!!

Yeah, that is correct!

I have succumbed to my frugal ways, and denied my 21st century-self convenience!

A-ha!

Saturday, April 20, 2013

Wednesday afternoon.

Jam, eggs, butter-shit. Eggs, butter, jam. Yes.

I'm glad my OCD is more awake than me right now. Clumsily slapping on jam, I already forgot the well-placed order of condiments I had anally slashed off in my mind. The texture of seed and slippery white combined is an unhappy occurrence.

Sigh.

My mind unravels to far away lands...surrounded by short people that could be mistaken for robots. Maybe they are robots. They seem technologically advanced enough. That might already be happening.

A strong, southern female voice interrupted my wanderlust.

"He killed him, he killed him in COLD BLOOD".

Ah. The town cryer is back. Part of me thought she was on hiatus, especially after all that Lucifer talk that was being tossed around two days prior. Usually when one gets to proclaiming about the lord of the underworld, I think it's time for a nap. But honestly, I've really learned a lot from her. I now know that Lucifer can't mess with God's children. And, who ever "he" is, he's now dead. In cold blood.


Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Reality Show

"You cannot mess with God's children, Lucifer! You make horrible decisions, but the LORD still loves you, baby girl!"

Smells of charred garlic tickled my nose. At this point, I don't know why I bothered roasting brussel sprouts. The 7:16pm showing of "Drunken Evangelicals" was blurring into "Teen Mom: the Torrance edition", and I was no where near done enjoying it. Two smokes left, perfect. I lit the next to last, curious how this "episode" was going to end. The exchange was between two neighbors: an older woman, and a younger female. I was half-hoping it was a May-December relationship. The baby girl brand could really mean anything. As I continued to over analyze the exchange, the smoke alarm hinted loudly that I really should take out the charcoal formally known as brussel sprouts from the oven. 

Saturday, April 06, 2013

All the single ladies.

7:48am.

Really?

Deep sighs ricochet off my lungs, reminding me to quit that youthful tobacco habit. I cough hard, knowing that should clear the issue, and make me buy ONE more pack of camels.

8:58am.

Ever since I started Lexapro, water has been the standard on my bedside table. Damn dry mouth.  I've accepted the side effect has been a fucked sleep schedule. My eyes force themselves into R.E.M land with thoughts Bukowski would be proud of.

10:29am

Is that my phone, or did I leave my vibrator on? Again.

11:37am

Should I admit I that I'm trying to prolong the fantasy land I was in for at least 20 more minutes? At least in this faraway land, the boy that I'm infatuated with doesn't tease - it's all give, and I take.

12:16pm

I work in an hour and a half. If I just rinse off, I should be able to get ready in 45 minutes. I think I have a Cliff bar to eat on the way to work.

1:04pm

Dear Febreeze, you've saved me again. I didn't forget about you, Cucumber Melon spritz: your stripper aroma is gonna save me from having to shower - but not without coworkers questioning my whereabouts last night.

1:58pm

Whoever invented Tide pens, gets my mouth around their genitals. Genius!

2:03pm

Made it. Despite my bed head that I have coined, "Beach Wave", everything turned out. Although my pervert colleague has been taking a special interest in me...I think it's gonna be a good day.