Monday, April 25, 2016
Sunday, April 10, 2016
Thursday, April 09, 2015
Friday, January 10, 2014
Douche bag...Walk away.
"Hey Beautiful. What 'chu up to today"
Hmm. He does have dimples(!) and really great hazel eyes...is that a yellow tooth?
"Are you trashy, or classy gal? I prefer a trashy one, been dealing with a classy cunt for far too long."
That is indeed, a yellow tooth.
"Your eyes, I can't stand how beautiful they are. Blue, not like my crappy hazel ones. I always wanted eyes like yours."
Ok. So he DOES have some piercing hazel eyes. And he kind of dresses like Joseph Gordon-Levitt. In Inception. (Oh, the vests!)
"Yeah, do you speak any other languages? I really dig girls that are worldly."
Considering his English could use 15 more minutes a day on the "Speak and Spell", I don't think he should be interviewing unless he meets his own criteria. But he does wear some tight pants.
"So, like, do you smoke? Would you have any..." I regrettably didn't, then he slid his hand into his pocket. When I squinted and realized he had his own measly cigs, I rescinded the regret.
"Yah, there's not many cute girls around. We should hang out sometime, really see if we connect."
HEY. IT'S YOUR GUT TALKING TO YOU. WHY THE HELL ARE YOU IGNORING ME? I AM TELLING YOU "NO."
A long drag off his cigarette allowed his eyes to shift nervously as they awaited my response.
"I'm really busy with my yoga practice right now, and honestly, I think I like girls."
Friday, January 03, 2014
"I consider it a safe word, because it stirs up warm, comfortable sensations in me from growing up. Especially since cacao grows on trees."
Maintaining my attention was growing difficult, as my mind roamed to a sketch comedy that perused it for that purpose.
"Growing up in Peru, my sister used to pick it and make chocolate covered fingers with it. Yeah, it really puts me in the comfort zone when..."
Oh Peru. I loved that coastal, rocky land. Ceviche, Pisco sours, Alpacas...gosh, I really hope I can visit-
"Deep frying my little brother's cat was also a joyous memory. He would scream, and I would cackle loudly at his misery..."
I felt a set of brown eyes seeking out my reactions, but I gave them none.
Cats. I always wanted one of my very own. But I hated the responsibility that came with ownership. I just wanted one to snuggle and love when I felt like it. I'm a bit of a selfish bastard at times.
My companion, who at this point had it with me and my wandering mind, got up and patted me on the head.
"Hey...hey, where are you going?" I was hoping she would tell me more about her cats. I love cats.
Thursday, January 02, 2014
I pleaded with my subconscious while squeezing my eyes closed. Waking up after a Malarone induced dream left me somber. Especially since it involved an infant Orangutan purchase - I finally discovered the nurturing side in me.
I made no attempt to be an adult and prepare myself for the day. A quick glance at my mobile reminded me I did have 3 more minutes...in that window I could easily have at least 4 more ape adventures. Maybe I could teach it to hula hoop, drive a Cadillac, and hang up all my artwork. Practical with a dousing of outlandish seems respectable. Examining each challenge I had in store was proving to be far too lofty for the time frame I had to work with. A deep, frustrated sigh reminded myself that these shenanigans were to take place another time. As I slipped on a non-stink lined panty, I chatted to myself schizophrenically that I can always zone out at the office to the rhythm of the copier. My responsible voice rapped my loony one with a ruler, shaped like common sense. Being a responsible human sucked. With each whisk of the mascara, I envisioned my fingers being engulfed by tendrils of flowing ape hair. Unraveling my thoughts a bit prematurely, my lashes now resembled a big boned spider. The misfortunate of being out of cotton swabs also stabbed me - de-clumping my day dream mess was harder than braiding baby Orangutan hair.
"C'mon, shake dat ass, show me wut you workin' with!"
Mystikal reminds me that I have responsibility in this life - to shake dat ass. Wait, no. To go to work. I haphazardly toss my shoes on, and forget my lunch, while displaying what this cracker is workin' with to the neighborhood.
Monday, November 25, 2013
It came out more as a pondering thought, similar to asking me if I smoked. I could feel him rooting around his pockets for a lighter.